Happy Birthday Dad - I miss you!!!

Dear Dad,

Today you are celebrating your birthday with your creator - how awesome that must be! As much as we miss you here, I know you are with Jesus every day and your life is still being celebrated! Doug and I brewed some Folgers today - just for you! Our house smelled like yours & Mom's and I wanted to cry! One the way to work I listened to a classis rock station just for you - I wanted to cry. When I got to work I opened up my Facebook account and saw some old pictures Drake uploaded of you yesterday and I DID cry...it's a sweet cry though...a cry that tells me that I wish I would have cherished your life more when you were here. The last time I saw you was for Macy Kate's birth and things were so hectic and we were all busy and as usual...I barely spent any quality time with you. Oh how I regret that! As always, I thought "Well, I'll see him again soon" but I didn't. On other birthdays I have always sent a gift late or called Mom and said "I have no clue what to get him!" and she would say "Oh, just send him a card and call him, he will be thrilled with that!" - and you were! You were such a simple man and we took that for granted a lot of times and what I wouldn't give today to pick up the phone and call you and hear you say a whole bunch of nothing :-) I know God wanted you home on Nov. 12th and that is why we are sad today but so happy that we knew you and were loved by you. Never before had I felt the love of a father like I did from you! It is something I cherish and want Doug to have with Macy Kate - that unconditional love for me and for my Mom - priceless!! On this day, your birthday, I want to say I love you so much and always will and my heart breaks for Mom and the pain she has felt with your loss - but as always, she is the strongest woman I know (and you know too!) and she will make it through and we are all here to help her. But I know, in my heart of hearts, she has days (like we all do) where she weeps and just wants one more hug, one more touch, one more laugh with you - one more moment to treasure such a wonderful man!

Soon we will all be "home" for Taunya & Kyle's wedding and just like today, walking into that house and not having you there will be a reminder that you are truly gone from this earth. I think living away it feels like it always did...Dad is at home, drinking coffee and playing computers and I don't feel the loss day to day like they probably do. But then days like today come and I want to call you and wish you Happy Birthday and am suddenly hit with the realization that you are not here to call. You are not here to see Macy Kate's latest video or help us with our computer problems or take Mom to the doctor and patiently wait for her and help her in and out.....you are not here.....and that is sad.

If you were here today, I would call you and chat for a moment and at the end, you would say "I love you" and I would shiver...like I always did...that you would tell me that so openly and show us your love so strongly - it felt awesome!

My little girl hears about you all the time Dad - last night I did something probably weird to some people...I got out the blanket with your picture on it and put her on it and took some pictures - it was like you were with her and it made me feel good!! I will attach the picture here. She will always know about you Dad - there's a tribute to you in her room and even when I look at it now, I can not believe you are gone. Like Taunya said in her letter to you....I am frequently taken back to that day when we learned of your death and the grief overcomes me and I want to fall to the floor and say "NO! NO! NO! - How can it be!" but I have to pick myself up and go on with life and just remember you in every day things. God is helping us all through this Dad, and He knew that we would pull together in this time as we have always done. We miss you so much and will never forget the impact you had on our lives FOREVER. I LOVE YOU!

Wendy