Well, it's that time of the year again - and as Monica put it best on her blog, it's THE BEST time of the year! LOVED your blog on it Monica!
This year is different for many reasons. I am a Mommy now - at the beginning of last fall I could not truly say that. I feel this year, more than ever, the excitement of fall - the excitement of yelling "GO IRISH!" and having Macy Kate grunt with me in excitement over college football - the excitement of dressing her up for Halloween and just enjoying this phase of her walking and just being a part of our life - excitement of planning her 1st birthday party - excitement of the holidays with her being old enough to rip into gifts and just be a part of the festivities. All of this being the first of this, makes you look back on last year when she was here, but not really old enough to do anything - that leads to thoughts of post child-birth and the PPD I went through and then the thoughts go to Dad dying suddenly at her 5 wk mark and ALL that followed that....so the feeling of Fall goes from super excited, to remembering that day, almost 1 year ago, when my life was forever changed with the news of Dad dying. I am trying so hard not to think like that but it's hard - Dad will not see her turn one, he will not see her in her adorable Halloween costume, he will not PHYSICALLY see any of that but I know he is looking down from heaven but it's just so strange how life just goes on.....
If any of you have lost anyone close to you, VERY suddenly, then you know what I mean - you still can go back to that very moment when you were given the news and you can get lost in those feelings - I am so glad Fall is here, don't get me wrong, but the cooler the air gets the more I think of THAT day. But, because we worhsip an AMAZING God, I KNOW I will see Dad again one day and I must rest in that fact.
Sorry, I did not mean to get off on this tangent, it's just all goes together in one basket (Fall, MK's birth, Dad's death, etc.) - I hope one day to have it all separate in my head, but for now, it's together and I am trying hard to get past it.
Just some random thoughts for you today :-)
Park City Utah
2 years ago
Posts
3 comments:
When my mom first died I was so sad that the boys would never know her, and Eric told me that I would still be able to tell them about her. At the time, this did not help me at all, but now that a couple of years have gone by it's a little easier and Spencer asks about her and it helps. It will always hurt, but it will lessen a little each year. Sorry this is so long, but I wanted you to know that I understand a little how you feel. I'll say a prayer for you!
I am so glad I met you, have I ever said that?! A big giant hug!
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